I wanted to build this blog as a way to document and invite discussion about forming healthy relationships, cultivating a balanced marriage, and promoting a supportive family dynamic. Before any of this can happen, it is important to have a sense of self. Learning to be in a relationship with yourself allows you to explore your wants and needs, increase self-efficacy, and grant yourself more mercy. We can learn to accept ourselves in whatever stage we are in, while acknowledging progression and self-improvement are life long endeavors. When we are able to understand this, we are better equipped to be one half of a healthy relationship.
Dr. John Van Epp, author of the highly popular novel, How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk, claims "without a plan for building safe relationships and determining the true character of the partner you picked, you can easily find your emotional immune system compromised and your vulnerability to unhealthy relationships heightened." There are a lot of people who have not experienced healthy relationships. If we do not have an example of a healthy relationship, it can be difficult to foster one. In fact, we will not feel comfortable in healthy relationships if we are not used to experiencing them! Instead, we gravitate towards unhealthy relationships because that is what feels familiar to us.
How do we cultivate a healthy relationship? Taking into account many traits and ideas of what healthy relationships can look like from studying relationship formation as well as drawing upon the experiences of others, I came up with three goals that can assist in cultivating healthy relationships.
1. Establishing boundaries
Clearly defining healthy boundaries must be a two-sided conversation! Respecting and upholding the boundaries of the other fosters trust and promotes a mature, steady development of the relationship. Establishing what you are and are not comfortable with can be a difficult, even uncomfortable conversation. However, secure relationships can form with both people feel safe and respected. Remember boundaries can change. You or your partner might decide something no longer feels comfortable and that is okay! Boundaries are personal and do not reflect negatively about the other person. They are there to keep us feeling safe and help us make decisions that feel right.
2. Engaging in clear communication
Learning how to appropriately convey one’s feelings is an essential aspect of any relationship. Regarding romantic relationships, determining your partner's as well as your own conflict style, expression of emotion, non verbal cues, etc. will promote mutual understanding, patience, and healthy communication. Each of us communicates in different ways. As such, we get to work on communicating in an effective, appropriate way. Active listening is another huge aspect of communication that involves signaling understanding, asking for clarification, and picking up on nonverbal cues.
3. Mutually putting forth consistent effort
Effort is conveyed in actions as well as words. Expressing needs and wants conveys a desire to develop a balanced, attentive relationship. Catering to each other’s love languages as well as intentionally serving one another demonstrates consideration and genuine affection. Being honest about where one is at in the relationship translates as respect for the other and can emphasize a desire to foster the relationship in a way that is healthy.
These are just some of the aspects involved in a healthy relationship. There are many more traits and concepts that are beneficial in determining how and who to develop a healthy relationship with. More to come on what attributes, attitudes, and actions to look for in a partner!
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